All By Myself
by lilz
Summary: **CHAPTER 8 UP** It's in their 5th year Lily's unpopular with no friends. she hates herself but James is the usual nice goodlooking popular boy, who will fall in love with her and help her to be more confident
1. Chapter 1 - lily

Disclaimer: not mine not mine not mine get the message?  
  
  
(A/N Hello this is a different fic to my other one cos I got bored and decided to write a different fic. but anyway it's about Lily mostly. she's very unpopular and no one really likes her. especially two girls who bully her but then she meets james and he completely changes her world. He helps her overcome the bullies and then they fall in love. )  
  
  
  
All By My-self chapter 1   
  
  
  
  
Lily Evans sat reading in the Gryffindor common room, with only her cat Flufter (A/N Ok so It's a crap name, who cares) for company. Lily was a small petit girl just 5 ft 3. She was 16 years old and in her 5th year. She was a prefect. She had blood red hair which she hated and green eyes which she also hated. Mostly because every one   
called her cats eyes.  
  
Lily was a bit of a loner. She had no friends and distracted herself from this by studying more and doing extra homework.   
  
Perhaps if she tried harder she might have a couple of good friends, but hardly anyone knew her name which was not a good start!  
  
  
She glanced around the common room, wishing people wouldn't be so noisy.   
  
  
James Potter and his gang were having an argument which was where most of the noise was centred. Lily hadn't told anyone this, except Flufter but she had always secretly admired James. She wasn't one of the useless airheads who followed him around or anything but she had always found him rather intriguing. Of course she   
would never do anything about it. Why would James Potter like her? (A/N for any one who hasn't gathered Lily hasn't a great amount of confidence.)   
  
  
James Potter was a tall lean boy who was also 16 he was also a fellow prefect. (God knows why. He and Sirius Black had got more detentions than the whole school put together) He had brown chocolatly eyes which complimented his black messy hair. He also wore glasses, which Lily thought added to his attractiveness.  
  
But anyway. Lily was watching the good humoured argument, when James shot a curse at Sirius. Sirius ducked and the curse zoomed straight at Lily who by this time was reading her book again. The curse hit her on the side of her head. She screamed. The whole common room went silent. Lily stood still, looking down at herself as she sprouted dozens of legs, her hair turned slowly purple and green boils popped up all over her face. In the end she looked like an over grown extremley ugly octopus!!!   
  
She stood there like a frightened rabbit caught in the head lights. She looked at herself, then at James and ran as best she could from the room. The common room was silent for a moment but   
soon the normal chatter was resumed.  
  
James and Sirius looked at each other.  
  
James coughed "do you reckon we should go and see if she's Ok" he said.  
  
" but she'll of gone to the girls dorms" Sirius pointed out.  
  
"we've done worse." James said "come on."  
  
Sirius reluctantly agreed  
  
"Alright what's her name anyway"  
  
"not sure Lucy or something." Soon enough they found the dorm and casually walked in.  
  
Lily screamed "what are you doing in here go away!"  
  
"look" Sirius began "we're really sorry Lucy"-  
  
"Lucy?"  
  
"err yeah that is your name right"  
  
"no!"  
  
"Oh what is it then?"  
  
"lily." She said matter of factly.  
  
"Oh sorry" Sirius said  
  
James looked at the 50 or so legs, the purple hair and the boils still erupting on her face and began to laugh. Lily glared at him,  
  
"I hardly think this is a time for laughing" she said "you should be undoing the curse and grovelling for forgiveness"  
  
"you've been planing this, haven't you?" James said She ignored the question.   
  
"can you just un do the curse" she said. James shrugged and undid the curse.  
  
"why did you curse me in he first place" she asked soberly  
  
"Oh that" James started "the curse wasn't meant for you in the first place it was meant for Sirius but he ducked and it hit you" Lily smiled weakly. Yeah right she thought.   
  
Why couldn't people just leave her alone. Why did everyone either ignore her or pick on her. Perhaps she deserved it. After all she wasn't one of the cool kids she was a geek.   
  
  
In the night Lily cried herself to sleep. She hated her life and everything in it. She wished she could die sometimes.  
  
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(A/N aww poor little Lilykins Please Review and tell me whether I should continue with this story or whether it's just a load of crap. thanks)  
  
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	2. chapter 2 - the bullies

All By Myself chapter 2  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: Jk's not mine   
  
  
  
(A/N rather a tragic part)  
  
  
  
* * * * * *   
  
  
  
Lily awoke the next morning and sighed. It was raining outside and was freezing cold. Lily shivered and wrapped the warm blankets around her. She gazed around at all the sleeping girls on the beds beside her. and wished she could be like them, to have lots of friends, and not to have to put up with all the bullying that she did. Lily didn't seem to realise that she could put up with anything if she believed in herself.   
  
Trouble was she didn't have an ounce of self confidence in her. she would just run away if anyone was mean to her, and that just encouraged the bullies further. They saw Lily as a punchbag which they could release all their stress on to. The girl next to Lily woke up she was called Helen and no one liked her that much.   
  
"what are you staring at cats eyes" she hissed at Lily.   
  
Lily shrank back away from her "nothing" she said timidly. Helen narrowed her eyes at her.   
  
"good" she said looking at Lily distastefully.  
  
"what's the matter Hel" called one of Helens friends Alex quite possibly the meanest girl in gryffindor "is that filth over there giving you trouble?"  
  
"No it's Ok now"  
  
"You watch it Evan's. If your not careful then we'll get you and all your little friends too.....Oh I'm sorry I forgot you don't have any friends" and she laughed cruelly.   
  
(A/N you might wonder why gryffindors are being so mean, and I'm not sure either so lets just put it down to Lily was really really really hated, I'm sorry I can't think of   
anything else)   
  
Lily turned over on her bed and stifled a sob. This happened every day she was used to it but it didn't stop her crying.  
  
"oh look Alex" Helen said nastily "poor widdle lilykins is crying whats the matter do   
  
you want your mummy awww ain't that cute"  
  
"go away Helen" Lily said unconvincingly between sobs.  
  
"yeah come on Alex, lets go to breakfast" and they both walked out the door flashing Lily an evil smirk. Lily sighed and got up, the tear streaks visible on her face.  
  
"don't worry Lily" said a slightly nicer girl called Emily "just ignore them and they'll get fed up and leave you alone" Lily smiled,   
  
"thanks" she said "but I can't just ignore them you don't know how it is. You don't understand."  
  
Emily shrugged she had only tried to help. She ran off with her friends leaving Lily in the dorm on her own. Lily sniffed, she didn't care, she didn't need friends she had Flufter. Deep down she knew she did need friends though.  
  
  
  
* * * * * * * *   
  
  
  
James, Sirius and Remus were already at breakfast when Helen and Alex walked in. They grinned at the boys and started to walk over.  
  
"go away." James said he really hated Alex and Helen they were always picking on that small girl Lucy, no Lily. Sometimes James felt really sorry for her, They glared at him and went to the other end of the table.   
  
"God I hate those two" Remus said.  
  
"tell me about it" Sirius said "have you noticed how they're always being mean to that girl with the red hair, who we cursed by accident?"  
  
James nodded, "her names Lily" Just at that moment Lily chose to come in, her face down hoping that no one had seen her. She glanced around the tables. The only seats left were next to Alex or James Potter. What should she do. Luckily for her James had spotted her. He waved her over she smiled gratefully.  
  
"thanks she said. I really didn't want to sit next to Alex" James smiled at her.  
  
"we didn't want you to sit with her either" he said "it looks like she's being really mean to you"  
  
lily nodded "she is" she said shyly.  
  
on the other side of the table Alex and Helen were watching her jealously.  
  
"she's just invited herself to sit with them" Helen said "they obviously don't want her   
  
there"  
  
"no" Alex agreed "lets get her when she goes out"  
  
"nice idea" Helen said evilly. "she's getting up now, come on lets follow her" and they sneaked after her.  
  
"they're up to something" James said, watching as the two girls sloped out of the room and after Lily.  
  
"Jamsie you're really getting paranoid in your old age aren't you" Sirius said. James ignored him and went on with eating his cereal.  
  
Just outside the dining hall, Lily had stopped to talk to a portrait of a thin spindly man. He had been on holiday to another portrait in a house in Barbados (A/N people in portraits have to get out sometimes don't they?) and Lily was asking how the trip had been.  
  
"there she is" Helen whispered "on the count of three, 1,2,3" They ran at Lily and jumped on top of her. Lily screamed as loudly as she could and thrashed her arms and   
  
legs wildly, but her small body was no match for the hefty builds of Alex and Helen and they had soon pinned her to the ground.  
  
"Lily" the marauders said and they ran to where the sound of screaming was coming from.  
  
"hold her down Helen" Alex said. "this is for tormenting James" She said and punched her square in the nose   
  
"help, James" Lily cried.  
  
"he won't come he doesn't like you", She punched her again.  
  
"can't you see they don't want you there" she punched her again, and again. Lily had blood trickling all over her and was almost unconscious.  
  
"STOP"   
  
Alex and Helen turned around.  
  
"what do you think you're doing" James yelled at them. (A/N umm big strong sexy James comes and rescues Lily) Remus was already at her side.  
  
"she's got a concussion and a very weak pulse" he informed James and Sirius.  
  
"we'll need to carry her to the hospital wing" Sirius said. James ran to Lily. Her eyes were shut, but he could here her breathing. He glared at Alex and Helen  
  
"what were you thinking of" he spat "didn't you realise you could have killed her"  
  
"she deserved it" Alex said nastily, "the cheek she had just to go over and sit next to you-"  
  
"actually I invited her, and I'm damn glad I did. I dread to think what would've happened to her if she had sat with you."  
  
"Come on James" Remus said quietly "we need to get her to the hospital wing, before it's too late" James nodded and scooped Lily's fragile body up in his strong arms.  
  
Alex watched them go off in the direction of the hospital wing, and grimaced.  
  
"wished we had killed her, everyone would be better off without her, wouldn't we Hel.............Hel?"  
  
Helen looked up from her thoughts "oh yeah umm of course" Helen was mean but she wasn't mean enough to want to kill Lily. What had she got herself into?   
  
  
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	3. chapter 3 - results

All By Myself chapt 3  
  
  
  
A/N I hoped you enjoyed the last chapter. Sorry if it was a little unrealistic, I was just getting sick of my other fic, Lily being "really popular and the "most sought out girl in school" Thanx all you nice nice people who reviewed last time. Please review this time too. If you review then I will try to review one of your stories too. Feel free to read and review my other fic too. But anyway on with the story.  
  
Disclaimer: nothing is mine…. Ahem apart for the mistakes.  
  
  
When Lily woke up she found herself in the hospital wing with the marauders surrounding her bed, and she remembered everything. She groaned and tried to sit up   
but it hurt too much.  
  
"she's woken up", Remus suddenly said. The other two stared down at Lily and grinned at her. She smiled back.  
  
"where's Alex?" she asked them.  
  
"in detention" James said grimly "but you don't need to worry about her now."  
  
"what? Oh no, you told that she was beating me up didn't you? Didn't you?" she groaned. James put his hand on her shoulder soothingly,  
  
"what's the matter? Aren't you glad"  
  
"no, don't you get it now that you've told people she was beating me up, she's going to get me again and she's gonna be so mad it'll be worse than it usually is"  
  
"Lil," sirius said "she and Helen were abusing you, don't you see that? We had to tell someone,"  
  
"they weren't abusing me, I deserved it, They were right all along, you didn't want me to sit with you, I-''  
  
"lily listen to me" James cut her off "of course we wanted you with us, and you didn't ever deserve the things that they did to you, tell me what have you ever done to them?"  
  
Lily paused a bit before saying, "they told me once they only beat me up because I'm so small and ugly. They said no one would ever like me and if they killed me they'd be doing me a favour. They said I was a disgrace to Hogwarts, you can't imagine the things they said to me James!" Lily said quietly.  
  
James clasped Lily's hands in his. He was so shocked he was having difficulty finding words. How can they say that he thought, she's not ugly at all she's beautiful   
  
"Lily" he said slowly "that is no reason to beat you up, how can we make you realise that? They nearly killed you for Christs sake Lil. You've been unconscious for 3   
days they broke your arm and your nose. Now what do we have to do to get the message through to you?"  
  
Lily stared up at the faces of the marauders. They're expressions were warm, full of sincerity and care.  
  
"trust us" Sirius said gently. This was a big ordeal for Sirius, he knew that Lily was being beaten up but he never knew it was so bad. He had been too mixed up in his pranks. James was the only one who had truly noticed the trouble Lily was in. James just wished he had noticed it sooner.  
  
"I couldn't face all the people out there. Especially Alex and Helen, and everyone else will hate me for getting Alex into trouble."  
  
"no they won't" said Sirius cheerfully, "and anyway we threatened them with the comforting thought that if they did then they would suffer a tortuous time of pranks, so you're completely safe!"  
  
"yeah said Remus "just stick with us and you'll be fine."  
  
Lily smiled gratefully,  
  
"but won't Alex come after you now" she asked concerned.  
  
"don't worry about that" James said "she's still in love with us, she wouldn't dream of   
  
doing anything to us incase it ruined her chances!"  
  
"thanks so much, I s'pose it'll be a while before I'm out of here anyway".   
  
James smiled it looked like Lily was cheering up a bit. He couldn't describe why but he really cared for this girl, he cared more about her than he had anyone else in a long time. Ever since he had cursed her by accident he had felt sort of drawn to her like a drug, and he was struggling to find the answer to it. James was the type of person who likes to work everything out and gets annoyed very easily if he can't.  
  
"you'll be out of here in 3 days at the latest" he said comfortingly.  
  
"James what'll happen if Alex gets me again, she will you know, she really hates me. We used to live on the same street and once" here Lily shuddered at the memory, "she locked me in the garden shed, which is full of spiders and rats. I could feel them crawling round my feet, and it was awful. It was hours before somebody found me….." she trailed off.  
  
Sirius was beginning to feel depressed. Sirius was the type of person who was always happy and he couldn't really understand why Lily wasn't.  
  
"come on" he said to James and Peter "lets leave Lily in peace. She needs the rest."  
  
James and Remus reluctantly agreed. Lily was left alone.  
  
"At last we're out" said Sirius "man, she was depressing me to death!!!"  
  
"Sirius!" James exclaimed "that's mean. We should do something to cheer her up."  
  
"I know, lets pull a prank. Then we cheer ourselves up and when we tell Lily it'll cheer her up". This seemed like a logical idea, so they agreed.   
  
"We havn't done anything to Mrs Norris yet this term" Sirius said.  
  
"what can we do to her?" Remus asked  
  
"we can turn he green with pink polka dots and we can charm her so that once she finds her owner i.e. Filch, he'll go pink and green too." James said.   
Everyone decided that this would have to do because they couldn't be bothered to think of anything more complicated.  
  
"Ok" Sirius said "we'll do it tonight and tell Lily in the morning. You can be responsible for changing her colour Jamsie, and me and Remus will keep watch."  
  
  
Lily couldn't get to sleep. Partly because of the bone gro stuff and partly because, madame Pomfrey had said she was free to go the next morning seeing there wasn't really any other reason she should be kept in. Lily thought of what school would be like tomorrow. She thought of the 400 pairs of eyes that would be watching her "the girl who gets herself beaten up". She thought of Alexs black eyes boring menacingly into her and of Helen's cold blue eyes staring at her without feeling. She shuddered. She guessed that James and co. would stick by her. Were they her real friends now.   
  
Imagine that. Little Lily Evans friends with the most popular boys in hogwarts. She laughed to herself. If only.  
  
  
  
Alex and Helen had just come out of a very severe detention, had been given a long insufferable talk from Dumbledore about how thoughtless they were and if they did anything of the sort again then they would both be expelled.  
  
Helen was feeling really bad about the whole episode. The fact that she had helped almost kill Lily hit her like an electric shock and she felt terrible. Her parents were being owled with the information, and she knew she had let them down big time. But most of all, she was highly disappointed in herself. She had almost taken someones life and the reality of it was kicking her. She was so sorry she didn't know how to put it down in words. Alex on the other hand was gloating over the victory. She was pleased. Helen badly wanted to end her friendship with Alex but she was too frightened of what Alex might do to her so she just tolerated Alex as much as possible. But now she couldn't take it any longer, she had to apologise to Lily it would be the one good thing she had done in the whole of her pitiful little life. She got up and set off in the direction of the hospital wing.  
  
"where are you going?" Alex said  
  
"to see Lily" Helen answered bravely.  
  
"what? Why the hell would you want to do that? You hate Lily remember. Stay here and stop being such an idiot."  
  
"No, Alex. Don't you think we owe it to her? Well I don't care what you think, I'm still going."  
  
"You're a little traitor Helen, I don't see why I ever liked you, you're a coward!"  
  
"no Alex, you're the coward. You're a disgusting two faced wimp, and our friendship is over, lost, gone down the drain. I hate you. What has that poor girl ever done to us?"  
  
"you're making a big mistake here, Helen" Alex replied laughing, "you'll soon come running back to me."  
  
"no Alex the only mistake I've made, is making friends with you." she finished dramatically and stormed out the room.  
  
Alex spat after her "I think not" she whispered to herself.  
  
  
* * * * * *   
  
  
Helen entered the hospital wing and saw Lily lying asleep in one of the beds. Her face was pale and ashen from having lost so much blood and her hair had lost it's   
normal shine and was hanging limp and greasy like red string around her shoulders.  
  
Helen got a chair and sat next to her. Lily stirred and looked up, her eyes widened,   
  
"what are you doing here?" she said, her voice hinting panic  
  
Helen tok a deep breath, "I guess I came to tell you that I'm sorry. Really really sorry, for everything I've ever done to you."  
  
Lily's tense face relaxed into a half smile,  
  
"do you really mean that?" she asked "or this another sick joke of yours?"  
  
"Lily I've come to my senses now, I'd quite like it if we were friends."  
  
"I'm not a very trusting person you know Helen"  
  
"I can imagine, with me and Alex at your throat all the time!"  
  
"where is Alex" Lily asked  
  
"oh you don't have to worry about her, our friendships over………….. I've realised   
  
what I could have done to you Lily. I could have killed you"  
  
This must be really hard for her to do Lily thought.  
  
"please Lily, can we start over?"  
  
"I don't know Helen, I value friends as people I can trust, do you seriously think that I could trust you after the things you've done to me"  
  
"I'm sorry Lily" Helen said in a low voice, "I really am" and to Lily's surprise she burst into tears. Lily immediately felt sorry for her "I thought you would perhaps   
like to be my friend. I thought we should stick together seeing Alex hates us both! I guess I was wrong," there was a silence for a moment "I suppose I'll be going then."   
  
She turned and headed for the door, casting Lily one more sad glance.  
  
"No Helen wait!!!" Lily called out to her. Helen turned around looking hopeful.   
  
"you're right, we should stick together and I can pursuade James and everyone to like you too………I'd like to be friends!!!"  
  
"really?"  
  
"yes, ……you'll be my first proper friend that I've ever had though" she added doubtfully  
  
"don't worry, you'll be my first too, unless you can call Alex a proper friend" they both laughed shyly. "come here" Helen said and she hugged Lily and Lily hugged her back.  
  
  
  
  
  
* * * * * * * * *   
  
  
  
  
  
A/N aww I had a lot of fun writing this chapter. Please review and tell me what you   
  
think. I'll try to get the next part up A.S.A.P   
  
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	4. chapter 4 - of pranks that go wrong and ...

All By Myself chapter 4  
  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: all belongs to jk!!!! Why do u have to do these stupid disclaimers anyway???????  
  
  
  
A/N thankyou all my brilliant beautiful reviewers. Please review this part, it has hmm a rather weird twist!!! Remember if u review I will review one of your stories!!!  
  
* * * * * *   
  
  
Lily sat alone in the hospital wing, waiting for the morning to come when she would have to face the school. At least now she had Helen for a friend! She smiled to herself. She wondered what James was up to. She needed to speak to him to tell him to be nice to Helen, seeing they were friends now.  
  
  
****************************************************************  
  
  
Helen was wandering a long the corridor, just having seen Lily. When she bumped in to the Marauders. She smiled at them, she wanted to apologise to them for hurting lily. She also wanted to try and make up with them. "what are you doing" Sirius asked suspiciously.  
  
"well actually I was looking for you. I want to speak to you about Lily."  
  
"why? what have you done to her" James asked hoping his worst fears weren't about to be confirmed.  
  
"Well, I've made friends with her"  
  
"what?" James spluttered, this was the opposite of what he had been expecting.  
  
"that's right" she said proudly, "when the realisation hit me that I could have nearly killed her, I had to at least apologise to her, didn't I? Well anyway, we decided that we should stick together"  
  
"what about Alex?" James asked sharply, cutting her off.  
  
"her? Oh we're finished, she's a nasty piece of work, I've only just realised she was influencing me. Now that me and Lils are friends, I can hopefully show my true personality!!!"  
  
The marauders took all this in.  
  
"It must have taken you a lot of courage to do that" Remus said thoughtfully.  
  
"well Gryffindors are meant to be brave aren't they?"  
  
"true, wish I could say the same for Alex" Remus said  
  
"well anyway, I was wondering" Helen began, "I know that you're friends with Lily so now that I'm friends with her, I wondered if you would be friends with me?"   
  
(A/N did that make sense?)   
  
The marauders looked at Helen, she looked shyly back. The marauders looked at each other and shrugged.  
  
"if you're a friend of Lilys then you're a friend of ours I guess" said Sirius.  
  
Helen smiled gratefully  
  
"thankyou so much, I can prove to you that I'm a good person" and she ran off.  
  
The marauders looked at each other again.  
  
"alrighty then" Sirius said. He paused then "she would be pretty cute if she lost some weight"  
  
  
Everyone gave him the look.  
  
  
Soon the time came for the prank.  
  
"have we got everything" Remus said.  
  
"rope?"  
  
"check"  
  
"wands"  
  
"check"  
  
"map"  
  
"check"  
  
"invisibility cloak?"  
  
"check"  
  
"yeah I think we have everything!"  
  
"k, where's Mrs Norris then" James said.  
  
Sirius pulled out the marauders map "she's heading towards the library."   
  
So they all went to the library.  
  
"oh shit" James suddenly said.  
  
"what?" asked Remus  
  
"I forgot my glasses"  
  
"doesn't matter, even you can't mistake a cat for a statue." Sirius said.  
  
"ouch"  
  
"who said that?"  
  
"not me" said Sirius  
  
"not me" said Remus  
  
"well it wasn't me," said James.  
  
Sirius risked pulling the cloak off, because it was getting in the way.  
  
And as everyone else appeared, so did,  
  
"PETER?"  
  
"um hello"  
  
"Peter, go away" Said Sirius slowly. The tears welled up in Peter's eyes.   
  
Everyone groaned.  
  
"How did you get here" James demanded.  
  
"I hid under the cloak with you and then someone trod on my foot and I said ouch" Peter said obviously very proud of himself, and totally oblivious to the frowns he was receiving.  
  
"look Peter, there's just no nice way to put this. GET OUT" James exploded. "we don't like you anymore"  
  
All the other marauders silently agreed. Peter started crying again and ran off,  
  
"I'll get you some day Potter" he yelled over his shoulder "just you wait"  
  
"man, he's annoying" Sirius said.  
  
"he's probably woken the entire school with that yelling" Remus said annoyed   
  
"quick get under the invisibility cloak again!" they all stayed still for a few minutes when nothing happened they set off towards the library again.  
  
"we'll have missed Mrs Norris by now" said James feeling pissed.  
  
"hold on, I see a cat tail" sirius declared  
  
"ok, you two stay here" James said. "I'll go and sort her out."  
  
James walked over to where the cat sat, some way off, he kept bumping into walls and stuff without his glasses which was annoying but eventually he made it to the cat. he muttered the curse and laughed when Mrs Norris jumped so high with the surprise of being pink and green that she hit the ceiling. James sniggered nastily and wandered back to Sirius and Remus bumping into more walls on the way back.  
  
"you should have remembered your glasses" Sirius said darkly.  
  
James grinned the lopsided grin he seemed to have picked up from some where .  
  
"I can't wait to see Filches face when he finds his darling Mrs Norris different colours and then she turns him different colours too" they all sniggered evilly, and waited for the next morning when they could see the effects take place.  
  
"the only bad thing is we'll have to do the counter curse for him" Remus said gloomily.  
  
"no we won't" James said  
  
"how come?"  
  
"cos there isn't one, it's one of those temporary 48 hour curses" James said proudly.  
  
"hey Lily will be out tomorrow" Sirius said.  
  
"oh yeah" James said  
  
  
  
The next morning.  
  
  
Lily sat up in the hospital bed, today she went back to school, after all, her bones were all mended now. she had better get up soon or she would miss breakfast, though. She was glad she could see James, Sirius and Remus again, and Helen.   
  
They could tell her about the prank.  
  
She got her stuff together and walked up to the gryffindor common room, there was no one there, they had all gone down to breakfast, thank goodness. She went up to her dorm, brushed her hair and went down the stairs to breakfast. she didn't look anyone in the eyes, but she could feel people looking at her, she sat down between Helen and James. They smiled at her. They sat chatting for a few minutes, but Lily couldn't eat much.  
  
"c'mon" she said when they had all finished. Lily sat in a chair in the common   
  
room with the marauders and Helen, when Flufter lilys cat walked in. Lily didn't   
  
notice her to begin with but when she jumped onto her lap she definitely did.   
  
Flufter was green with pink polka dots  
  
"uh oh." James said to Sirius  
  
Lily screamed, just as she turned green and pink herself.  
  
"you really did it this time Jamsie, you were meant to get Mrs Norris, it seems you got Lilys cat instead!"  
  
"oh shit, why do I have to be so blind without my glasses, it's not fair"  
  
"erm, I don't think that's your biggest problem now. Look!!" Lily was standing over them, looking at him. Her big green eyes were wide and full of tears, and she looked shocked, almost scared.  
  
"I like your idea of a prank" she said quietly, "it was really funny" and she turned and ran up to her room sobbing loudly.  
  
"Lily wait" James called after her. He looked at Helen,  
  
"nice prank" she said sarcastically and turned to go and find Lily.  
  
The whole common room found this extremely funny, apart from James that is!!!   
  
"Sirius, what have we just done, this is going to completely lose her trust in us, unless she believes us of course."  
  
"well I'll hardly blame her if she doesn't" Remus cut in "I mean she's hardly going to be a trustful person, the way she's been treated before." James knew he was right. Why did things always go wrong for him.  
  
"I'm going to go and find her" he said.   
  
why was he doing this. Lily was just some other girl, who he knew. But deep down he knew she wasn't. she was different from any other girl he'd know in his   
  
whole life. She was such an interesting person, she was also more intelligent than anyone else, then it hit him. He loved Lily. He was so surprised that he sat down on the stairs to catch his breath.  
  
"James what the hell are you doing?" Sirius yelled up at him  
  
"oh nothing, just going" He stumbled up the remaining stairs to Lilys dorm, he knocked and entered the dorm quietly.  
  
"what are you doing here" Lily asked, the tears still running freely down her beautiful face.  
  
"I guess I came to apologise" James said looking her in the eye.  
  
"what, for turning me and my cat different colours?"  
  
"it's not what you think" James said quietly. He turned to Helen "would you mind just giving us a few minutes" he said throwing her a dashing smile, she sighed and agreed.  
  
"why did you do it. If you thought it would cheer me up then I think you were being rather insensitive considering…well, you know."  
  
James nodded "well we did do it to cheer you up, only thing that went wrong is that we got the wrong cat. We were going to turn Mrs Norris different colours and then charm her to make her owner different colours too. Problem is we got your cat instead. I forgot my glasses you see"  
  
Lily nodded. "James" she began, "you must understand how hard this is for me. I mean this is the second time that you come up here to apologise for a prank   
  
which just "went wrong" wouldn't you be a bit suspicious. I need a friend that I can depend on. Do you see?"  
  
James nodded. "look Lily, you should know me enough now to know that I would never ever try to hurt you. Please believe me when I say that the curse was meant for Mrs Norris." He looked pleadingly at her. Lily looked into his warm brown eyes searching for clues that he was lying. She found none. She wiped away the remaining tears and nodded.  
  
"I believe you" she said "but erm, can you please do the counter curse"  
  
"um well actually there isn't one. You'll just have to stay like that for a couple   
  
more days"  
  
"great"  
  
"don't worry, I think you look cute like that." heck, she looked cute all the time. She smiled sweetly and James had a sudden urge to kiss her but he didn't. He   
knew she would never like him that way.  
  
  
(A/N oooh this is fun. please tell me what you think of it. I'm really annoyed cos I never seem to be able to word it how I want to, does anyone else find that or is it just me? Well either ways pleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaase REVIEW!!!!!!! I'm not getting enough 


	5. chapter 5 - errr boring stuff happens

Authors Note  
  
Hi there, so sorry that this has taken ages to get up and it may be a bit boring, but I need this to go before the next chapter so tough luck!!! also please exscuse the typos they just pop up out of no where. Thank you as always my beautiful, beautiful reviewers, you are my gods, of course you can always review this chapter too, you know!!! Hmm What else can I say, ummm oh yeah I havn't done a disclaimer. Naughty naughty me!!! It is all Jks so please don't sue me. Ok? Good now then I think I'll shut up now   
and let you read the story. You probably don't want to but just do it anyway, just to be nice, yeah ok I'm shutting up now!!  
  
* * * *   
  
  
  
ALL BY MYSELF CHAPTER 5  
  
  
  
  
Lily sat hugging her knees in her dorm. She was freezing cold because it was almost Christmas and Hogwarts does not have central heating. Helen was with her. Lily had got to know Helen quite well now and they were good friends. Alex was very bitter about it all and was doing her best to make both Lily's and Helens life hell but they had stuck together and weren't taking any notice of Alex's bitching. Lily sometimes had occasional bouts of depression but she didn't anymore! Lily and Helen were also friends with James, Sirius and Remus. There was going to be a Christmas dance in a day or two.   
  
Sirius,to everyone's surprise was going with Helen. Lily however had not had any offers although she desperatly wanted to go with James.  
  
James was in the common room playing chess with a reluctant Sirius. James was thinking, something he didn't often do and at   
  
the moment he was thinking about lily. He knew he loved her but was now acting rather awkwardly around her. He really wanted to ask her to the dance, but he was afraid that she would say no. James was quite surprised because he never went for girls like Lily. Lily was quiet and small, the girls he usually dated were always popular and confident. Maybe that was why his relationships with them never worked out.  
  
"James?" Sirius asked "you're off in never-never land again"  
  
"Huh, oh sorry"  
  
"what's up, you're never like this usually!"  
  
"I was only wondering who to take to the dance"  
  
"Lily!"  
  
"Lily? Don't be stupid, I only see her as a friend" he said laughing it off  
  
"Jamsie, you're staring at her 24-7"  
  
"am not"   
  
Sirius shrugged "James we're best friends, you know you can tell me if you like someone!"  
  
*don't tell him, don't tell him*  
  
"yeah you're right, I really like her"  
  
Sirius looked pleased with himself. "I knew it. You fancy her."  
  
"no, it's more than that. I've never felt this way about anyone before, I think I'm in love." Sirius grinned "so why don't you ask her, to the dance then" he said. James looked downcast for a minute then said, "she would never want to go with me. She doesn't like me that way" he sighed exasperated and kicked the table knocking the chess pieces on the floor, who started swearing at him.   
  
"I don't know," Sirius commented, "I think she does"  
  
"You're just saying that" James said gloomily. Sirius looked annoyed, "you could be missing a big chance here Prongs" he said.   
  
"why don't you just give it a go"  
  
"I will when the time is right" James replied simply. Sirius groaned in exasperation.  
  
"you're so bloody stupid James, she really likes you!"  
  
James muttered something darkly and left, deliberately treading on the chess pieces on the way out.  
  
  
*************  
  
  
it was the day of the dance and James, surprise surprise still hadn't asked Lily to go with him, so Lily was rather upset and James was In an incredibly bad mood!!!  
  
Helen was standing in front of the mirror turning this way and that occasionally throwing questions at Lily such as "does my   
  
butt look big in this", "do i look too fat in this dress" or "will Sirius like my hair like this," (scrunched up in a bun) "or like   
  
this?" (flowing down her back).   
  
Lily however had decided she was not going to go. If James wasn't going to ask her then it wasn't worth the trouble. She would just sit in her dorm being stubborn.  
  
"come on Lils" Helen complained, "you have to come" Lily muttered something under her breath.   
  
"what was that?" Helen said thickly  
  
"i don't want to go" Lily said firmly. Helen rolled her eyes. "it's a dance. How can you not want to go, there's food, music, boys..." she trailed off. Lily glared at her.  
  
"you really don't understand, do you?" she said quietly. Helen walked over to Lily's bed and put an arm round her, "what is the matter Lily, you've been acting really strangly latley" Lily mumbled something else, not quite meeting helen's eyes "please tell me," Helen whined, "I might be able to help."   
  
"I very much doubt that" Lily laughed. Her red hair fell over her face in a silky sheet, her green eyes barely visible.   
  
"Is it Alex?" Helen asked  
  
"No, she hasn't spoken to me since....since that day" Lily replied.   
  
"Ok then is it a boy" Helen asked excitedly.  
  
Lily didn't answer. "It is isn't it" Helen exclaimed joyfully.  
  
"shhh" Lily said looking slightly annoyed.  
  
"who is it" Helen asked inquisitivly. Lily sighed, "are you telling me you don't know" Helen nodded "Ok" Lily took a deep breath,   
  
"it's James."  
  
"James?" Helen cried looking slightly disgusted. lily nodded, "he's sweet to me and if it wasn't for him then i might still be being   
beaten up by you and Alex."  
  
Helen frowned, "don't talk about that please" she said.  
  
"sorry" Lily said  
  
"so you don't just like him for his looks"  
  
"no, of course not"  
  
"well I wouldn't blame you if you did"   
  
"no, i really like him, but he doesn't like me, we're as different as black and white. We're too different to be any thing more than friends, I mean he's goodlooking, popular and quidditch captain, and me, well i'm just little lily Evans, the class geek, it would never work out."   
  
"well they say that oppisites attract" Helen stated.  
  
"never mind all that, just don't tell him, please"  
  
"Ok" Helen said aggravated "I suppose this is why you're not going to the dance?" Lily nodded sheepishly, "well James isn't going either"  
  
"that doesn't make any difference, all that matters is that he isn't going with me"  
  
"you're really stubborn" Helen said, "but I suppose I should be going now. I have to meet Sirius" and she swept out the door, "see you later" she said grinning, a plan already formed in her mind.  
  
  
  
  
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A/N at last that part is finished, I'm so sorry it took so long. i am also sorry it was so boring the next part will be more interesting though, i promise please review, say whether you liked it or didn't  
  
all flames are welcome just please REVIEW 


	6. chapter 6 - interesting stuff happens

(A/N hello everybody and welcome to the next part of "all by myself" enjoy and review. Remember you only get a review on your story if you review mine. That is fair. Ok? good hmmm what else to put ahh yes this mostly belongs to Jk except the plot wel there isn't really a plot is there.   
This is about Lily's life and life doesn't necessarily have a plot does it? any wayz please enjoy the rest of this writing which i suppose could just about be called a story!)  
  
  
* * * * * *   
  
  
All By Myself ~ chapter 6  
  
  
  
  
  
Helen found Sirius in the main entrance and they walked in to the hall together.  
  
"Sirius?" Helen whispered  
  
"yep"  
  
"did you know that Lily likes James?"  
  
"yeah, did you know that James likes Lily"  
  
"did you know that neither of them are going to the dance"  
  
"I most certainly did"  
  
"did you know that Lily isn't going because James didn't ask her?"  
  
"did you know that James isn't going because he hasn't asked Lily?"  
  
"did you know that I have an idea?"  
  
Sirius looked put off "hey, I was going to say that next"  
  
Helen smiled "what's your idea then" she asked him  
  
Sirius cleard his throat "I propose that we both send them identical notes, each saying to meet up in the astronomy tower"  
  
"no, the lake, it's more romantic"  
  
"how can sitting by a lake freezing your butt off be called romantic?"  
  
Helen sighed, "honestly, you're so narrow minded, they'll be cold so the'll have to snuggle up together and they'll be below the stars" she sighed dreamily.  
  
"alright, alright" Sirius said grumpily, "but I still think that the astronomy tower would be better"  
  
Helen looked triumphant. "good" she said excitedly, "now sirius, you can write the notes, remember to change your hand writing, i'll get the owls!"  
  
"fine with me, see you in a minute"  
  
"nah, I think i'll stay here thanks"  
  
"well how are you going to get the owls then" Sirius said, as if Helen was being the thickest female on earth.  
  
"Like this" she said. She removed her wand from her robes "ACCIO OWL" she cried she did this twice and soon there were two owls sitting in front of them. Helen was pleased to see Sirius looking impressed. she smiled at him   
  
"well come on we havn't got all night"  
  
Sirius muttered darkly about bossy women or something and began scrawling the notes. Helen tied one to one of the owls and sent it to James. She sent the other owl to Lily. She grinned at Sirius "In about 15 minutes Lily and James will bump into each other at the lake wondering what the hell they're doing here, and we'll see what happens from there"  
  
Sirius nodded and smiled "let's tell Remus"   
  
"alright, but no one else"  
  
  
  
***************  
  
  
  
"why does James want to meet me here", Lily wondered as she sat by the lake watching the giant squid torture some grindylow. Little did she know James was only a bit away from her wondering the same thing. I bet he's just playing one of his stupid pranks, Lily thought. And I thought he was being serious. well it's his problem I'm leaving.  
  
James was sitting also wondering where lily was. Eventually he came to the conclusion that it was Sirius playing a prank so he got to his feet just as Lily did and typically walked straight in to her.  
  
  
Lily screamed  
  
  
"shh" James said trying to calm her "it's only me"  
  
"oh so you did decide to meet me then" Lily sniffed.  
  
"no you sent me a note saying you were going to meet me"  
  
"No I most certainly didn't"  
  
"well neither did I!"  
  
"oh" Lily pondered over this for a couple of seconds before saying "we've been set up then havn't we."  
  
"seems like it" James agreed "and I'll bet his name begins with 's' and ends with 'irius'"  
  
"No more likely to be Helen"  
  
"well it was a double act then." They both agreed on this.  
  
"I suppose we may as well make the most of it then" James said and sat down he patted the ground beside him inviting lily to sit down too. Lily stared up at the midnight blue sky. the stars wrapped her up in a shimmering blanket. She smiled at James. He smiled back and Lily felt that warm tingly feeling in her stomach again.  
  
"It's freezing isn't it" james commented  
  
Lily shivered, "yeah" she agreed and wrapped her robes around her more.  
  
"come here" james said and he hugged her tight. Lily rested her head on his sholder and gazed up into his eyes. She could feel his breath on her neck. She sighed. She didn't quite know what to say, she was so caught in the moment. She was half sad because she didn't want the moment to end, it seemed so right, so perfect, and the other half of her was debating whether she should run away or whether she should kiss him. She didn't really want to do either of these so she just sat still, plucking out blades of grass and placing them in a pile.  
  
  
  
James was thinking similar thoughts, except he definitly didn't want to run away, he liked the feel of Lily's head on his shoulder, he tightened his hold on her. He was very confused, why was he falling in love with Lily Evans. She was so different from all his other girlfriends. He gazed at her red hair which stood out even in the night's sky. She was different but real, so why didn't he just kiss her like there was no tomorrow? He knew why. He didn't want to hurt her. If they got together then it would never go right, it never did. He just couldn't afford to lose her. Unless she loved him too of course, but how would he ever know unless he didn't try? He remembered what Sirius had said.   
  
He could be losing out on something big here.  
  
  
Lily looked around. James seemed to be thinking something over. They had hardly spoken a word by the lake, yet Lily didn't feel the need to. She felt so relaxed once she had got to know James that it was like they didn't need to speak. She slumped against him  
  
"what's the matter?" James asked.  
  
"I'm just tired" She answered.  
  
"Oh, perhaps we should go back"  
  
"no, don't worry, I like it out here."  
  
James agreed. "It's peacful isn't it?"   
  
Lily nodded "I like looking at the stars."  
  
"I havn't been out here for so long before" James said.  
  
"havn't you? I come out here quite often" She paused. "I wonder if the dance has finished yet"  
  
"i don't care if it has" James said.  
  
"why not?"  
  
"I don't want to leave you" James mentally kicked himself, but told himself that he should kill himself later - if Lily punched him and walked off that is.  
  
"really" Lily said "that's sweet.................to tell you the truth, I don't really want to go either. I like being alone with you"   
  
James smiled. He put his arm round lily's waist and pulled her closer.  
  
"you know what?" he whispered in her ear, "i like being alone with you too" Lily shivered. Her skin was tingling. she turned her head to look at James and was surprised at how close he was. He inched closer, and Lily felt a kind of magnetism pushing her lips towards his. Their lips touched, softly at first, but then a bit harder. Lily's whole head was on fire, bursting into flames from the intensity of the kiss. She didn't know what to think, did she really want to be doing this? She wasn't sure she was ready. She decided she was and kissed James back harder until she was so out of breath that she had to stop. She broke away. James looked at her  
  
"sorry" he said "I shouldn't have done that."  
  
"yes you should have" Lily said and their lips met again!  
  
  
  
  
  
please review pretty pretty please. tell me whether it was ok, don't be afraid to lie i don't mind if u hated it, just give your honest opinions!!! 


	7. chapter 7 - the consequences of kissing ...

~~~~~~~~~*All By Myself part 7*~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N here it is part 7 hopefullly you liked the last part. please read this anyway if you didn't and if you do read please review. it means a lot to me whwn people review. i don't mind if you flame it or anything like that just please tell me what you think so i know what to change. Ok? good  
now please enjoy this part.  
  
  
ooh one more thing. If anyone is not sure of their ages then they're in FOURTH YEAR AND THEY ARE 14 ok goody now on with th story!!!!!  
  
  
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*********************~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**********************  
  
  
  
  
  
It was midnight. The dance had finished and Helen and Sirius had both gone to their seperate dorms where they each awaited the arrival of Lily and James.   
  
It was still midnight. Lily and James had not got back.  
  
it was 12:15. they had not got back  
  
It was 12:30. they had not got back.  
  
It was 12:45. they had not got back..   
  
Helen sat wondering where Lily was. She hoped nothing bad had happened to her.  
  
Suddenly she heard sopmeone tip-toe into the sleeping room. "Lily," she whispered.  
  
"er yeah ?"  
  
"where have you been?" of course Helen knew perfectly well where Lily had been but Lily wasn't suposed to know that.  
  
"by the lake, where you and sirius set me up"  
  
"how did you know that"  
  
"how stupid do you think i am?" Helen decided not to answer.  
  
"well how did it go?"  
  
"alright I suppose"  
  
"Well did he kiss you?"  
  
Lily decided to say nothing.  
  
"he did didn't he!" Helen screamed excitedly  
  
"shut up" Lily exclaimed "they'll hear you in slytherin"  
  
"who cares, it'll be all over the school tomorrow any way"  
  
"no it won't because you're not going to tell anyone"  
  
"Lily, this is vital gossip! I need to tell someone"  
  
"Helen please don't tell anyone. It was nothing. Tomorrow James will come up and tell me that he's sorry but it didn't mean anything."  
  
"don't be silly" Helen said "if he kissed you then it has to mean something. He wouldn't do it for no reason"  
  
"ummmm?" Lily had fallen asleep.  
  
  
* * * *   
  
Lily awoke the next morning before anyone else. She could feel a small nagging feeling in her stomach and could not for the life of her remeber what it was. And then it all became clear. Today was the day James would come up to her at breakfast and tell her he was very sorry but he had just been caught in the moment. It didn't mean a thing. Lily sighed reproacfully. There was still a glimmer of hope which told that James did still like her. He probably didn't though. After all he still had a girlfriend. Francesca Hart. She was extremely pretty. James would never choose herself over her.  
  
Lily brushed her hair a little and went down to breakfast alone. There weren't many people there but that was to be expected seeing it was only five thirty in the morning. anyway the whole purpose of coming down early was so that she wouldn't have to speak to James!  
  
Lily sat down and poured herself some pumpkin juice. Just then James walked in with the marauders. Lily couldn't meet his eye. She didn't know why (a/n hey that rhymed) but it was easy enough as he seemed to be avoiding her glance aswell. 'great' she thought. ''He's already trying to ditch me and we havn't even spoken yet."  
  
Lily left the hall quickly. She couldn't bear to let James break it off with her so quickly.  
  
And that was how it was for the next couple of days. Lily avoiding James because she thought he wanted to break up with her and James acting awkward whenever he was near Lily.  
This was not helpful to a progressing relationship as you can probably imagine.  
  
Helen was distraught by Lily's strange behaviour and could not see why she wouldn't talk to James. She confronted Lily about it.  
  
"so miss "i kissed James Potter but that doesn't mean i want to go out with him" what is this all about"  
  
Lily looked around nervously, "you know what? I don't think I've done my potions homework. I'll just be a minute-"  
  
"oh no you don't. you did it the day it was set." Lily shifted uncomfortably, looking nervously at her shoes. "please talk to me Lil" Helen said softly, "I hate to see you like this." She paused for a moment then said, "he hasn't done anything to hurt you has he because I'll soon sort him out if he has-"  
  
"hold on a minute" Lily said. "who said this was about James"  
  
"Lily it's bloody obvious that it's about James and don't try and tell me that it isn't. I may be stupid, but not that stupid, you've been avoiding him ever since the dance..........." she trailed off. "please tell me what's wrong" she said more softly.  
  
"Nothing, and that's just it. He hasn't done anything. That's what's wrong" and Lily burst into tears. If Helen had been expecting anything then it certainly wasn't this. She blinked twice and then sat down on the bed beside Lily.  
  
"it's ok" she soothed, "although you can't blame him really" she said as an after thought. "After all, you've been running away from him whenever he got within ten feet of you"  
  
Lily looked at helen startled. "don't be stupid" she said. "it's him who's running away from me. not the other way round. He's avoiding me." Helen looked at Lily strangly seeing it was more Lily than James who was doing the avoiding buisiness.  
  
"well" Helen started carefully, "I don't think James is avoiding you but if that's what you want to believe then I don't suppose I can stop you...........I'm going now, I have to meet Sirius. See you later"   
  
Lily was left alone in her room. She didn't believe helen. How could it be her avoiding him. Well who cares even if she was. James probably still hadn't even broken up with Francesca. He didn't want Lily and he never would. That was the way it was going to be and she would just have to accept it! Of course Lily was a very muddled individual and was hoplessly wrong about all of this but being the muddled individual that she was she failed to notice and continued to think that James didn't actually like her and was in fact avoiding her.   
  
  
  
* * * * * * *  
  
  
  
James himself was at the depths of despair and wondering why Lily was avoiding him. He had come to the conclusion that he was an ugly twat and Lily was too good for him anyway. He should settle for the fact that all he was going to get out of lily was friendship and even that was hard to come by at the moment.   
  
However James was also slightly puzzled. He hadn't actually done anything to Lily apart from being an ugly twat and he wasn't sure why she would think that anyway. Perhaps he was a worse kisser than he had anticipated, none of his previous girlfriends had complained though. That reminded him. The first step to winning Lily was to break it off with Francesca.   
  
Francesca was in ravenclaw. She was tall and had a models figure. She had baby blue eyes and long blonde hair. but to James perhaps her best feature was her chest which was rather large at the very least. It would be hard breaking up with her, James thought but Lily was worth it. James scanned the building for her. Sirius had the marauders map so he would have to find her the long way.  
  
"Francesca?" James called softly along the corridor. He looked into the charms classroom. Francesca was there alright but not alone. She was sitting on the lap of another ravenclaw kissing him passionatly.  
  
James coughed. They both sprang apart as if an electric current had just passed through each of their bodies.  
  
"Well" James said, "just how long has this been going on for" He looked at Francesca an eyebrow raised.  
  
"look James, it isn't what it seems like" Francesca said hurriedly  
  
"oh I'm so sure" James said sardonically  
  
"I'm sorry" said the racenclaw pushing francesca off his lap "I had no idea that you two were going out" He glared at Francesca  
  
"I suppose it was a good thing that I was only looking for you so that I could break up with you" James said in an off hand way. Deep down he was actually really upset that someone had cheated on him. After all why should they?  
  
"I'm sorry" Francesca said "I didn't mean to, please take me back James"  
  
"no!" he said looking disgusted "I was going to break up with you anyway. There's no way I'd go out with you again" and he turned and left the class room feeling even more confused than he had earlier.  
  
As James made his way to the common room he bumped into Lily  
  
"hey" he said, "how are you"  
  
"oh er, I'm fine. well gotta dash bye" she ran off  
  
"bye" James said more to himself than to anyone else. What was wrong with him. He should never have kissed her but then she had kissed him too. Why was life so confusing? He had never had any sort of trouble with girls before and now the one who was really special to him was ignoring him profusely. He sighed and entered the common room. Perhaps sirius and Remus could drive a little sanity into him.  
  
Sirius and Helen were talking on a couch and Remus was studying for a test in charms. Peter was sitting alone at a table wishing someone would talk to him (A/N darned rat)  
  
"hey Jamsie buddie, how you doin" Sirius yelled looking up from his conversation with helen.  
  
"no need to shout, I'm sitting right next to you"  
  
Sirius shrugged and then inteligently said, "you might have gone deaf in the last fifteen minutes, you never know, you went blind in the first fifteen minutes after you were born"  
  
"I am not blind" James said touchily "I have a vision disorder. There's a big difference"  
  
"yeah whatever" said Sirius "what's up anyway you look a bit miserable"  
  
"yeah I broke up with Francesca" James said  
  
"what? why did you break up with her"  
  
"two reasons"  
  
"which were?......"  
  
"she was cheating on me and I still like Lily"  
  
Sirius burst out laughing manically  
  
"shut up. it's not funny"  
  
"wait till until I tell everyone this" Sirius said still laughing. "james Potter has been cheated on"  
  
James coughed, "I think you're missing the finer aspect" James said  
  
"what?" Sirius said confused, "who she was cheating with?"  
  
"no" James said slowly, "the fact that I still like Lily"  
  
"oh that" said sirius, "well I already knew about that. That was obvious"  
  
James sighed grumpily  
  
"I'm your best friend," Sirius said, "of course I knew you still liked her."  
  
"yeah" said helen, "but Lily thinks that you don't like her. She thinks that you're avoiding her"  
  
"yeah well Lily's mentally unstable," Sirius muttered.  
  
"NO SHE ISN'T" James yelled "DON'T INSULT LILY IN FRONT OF ME"  
  
"whoa, calm down" Sirius said, "I was only joking.  
  
James muttered something inaudible, "what else does she say?" he asked Helen  
  
"er, well I think that she likes you a lot but doesn't want to committ herself yet. She seems to think that you don't actually like her and that you want to break up with her at every chance you have. That's why she's avoiding you, I think"  
  
James let this sink in "so what can I do?" he asked Helen desperatly  
  
"I'm not sure. I don't think there's a lot you can do. Let her sort out her feelings to begin with, then I don't know what." She paused "You could just walk up and snog her of course, but I don't think she'd appreciate that just at the moment."  
  
James grunted. Girls were weird.  
  
  
  
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REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW   
  
  
  
  
Hi there sorry this took so long to put up. I've been really busy with school and stuff and I am also really sleep deprived which probably explains the lack of quality in this chapter. I'm sorry it's so boring but I seriously could not think of any thing else  
  
  
Please review. I love all of you who reviewed chapters 1-6 so please review this chapter too. If I don't get enough reviews then I might not continue actually that's probably what you want well even so I'll review one of your storys if you review this which is very fair but you are probably tired of hearing me babble on endlessly so I'll go now just please review or I'll get unhappy  
  
could you manage to give me 70 reviews before I post the next chapter?  
  
pretty pretty please  
  
well anyway, I'm going   
  
byeee  
  
  
  
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	8. chapter 8 - Sirius the agony aunt

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A/N Hi there people. sorry 4 not updating but i've been really busy. don't u just HATE it when u don't know what 2 write? well that's how i've been feeling. I have really bad writers block and then just when i have started typing up the story the stupid computer manages 2 delete it which is really annoying cos now i'm writing it up all over again.  
i know no one actually reads the authors note but i'm writing it anyway 2 make the chapter look longer. how pathetic is that? well anyway thanks everyone who reviewed my last little chapter. i love u all. please review this chapter as well!!! and remember if u review mine then i review your's. ok? good. here's the chapter It's...erm VERY weird.  
  
oh yeah and the writing in the asterix are Lily's thoughts.  
  
  
  
  
~~~~~~All By Myself ~ chapter 8~~~~~~  
  
  
  
  
Lily steped into the shower. The water cascaded down her back like a waterful. she sighed. Her life was a mess at the moment. She imagined that the water was washing all her problems away. She liked James alot but she still wasn't sure if he liked her. He probably didn't, he was going out with Francesca and Francesca was extremely pretty. Lily sighed again and looked down at her self. She pinched the skin around her stomach. * I'm getting so fat* she thought miserably. No wonder James can't stand to be near me. *No* said a little voice inside her head, *it's you, don't you think you've waited long enough, you're driving your self crazy. You're avoiding him for no good reason, if he was going to break up with you he'd have done it all ready and he hasn't. You've got to stop avoiding him now before it's too late. You have to make it better now!*   
  
Lily blinked. It was like she had stepped out of herself and seen her posistion from the outside - from how everyone else saw it. Now she had to do something about it. she sighed again. She was far to shy to just go up to James and kiss his lights out. Maybe she should just wait for him to come to her. *no* said the voice again, *he's already come to you and you sent him away, it has to be you now, not him*  
Lily massaged the shampoo into her long red hair thoughtfully. Everything had suddenly become alot clearer. James obviously liked her it seemed, he didn't want to break up with her. She had just been so confused and mixed up that she hadn't relised. Of course it didn't help that she was extremely insecure and nearly always thought the worst of herself but now it was different. Perhaps James did like her, and that counted for everything.  
  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *   
  
  
James was sitting in common room with Sirius and Remus.  
  
"So Jamsie, have you got back with Lily yet?" Sirius asked looking up from the chess game he was playing with Remus.  
  
James sighed reproachfully, "not yet," he said. Sirius looked scandalised.  
  
"you haven't? How long are you going to leave it for"  
  
"until she sorts out her feelings" James argued stubbornly, "that's what Helen told me to do."  
  
"yeah well helen isn't exactly the best agony aunt." Sirius said  
  
James snorted, "and you are I suppose?"  
  
Sirius looked genuinly hurt, "you underestimate me James my dear fellow, I used to actually be an agony aunt....well uncle."  
  
"oh I see" James said, " and I suppose lots of people asked for your advice?"  
  
"of course" Sirius said proudly, "Some people even came back to me for more because I was so good"  
  
"I suspect it was actually because you gave them the wrong advice so they needed to ask you again" Remus said.  
  
"exactly" James said "anyway" he hurriedly continued seeing that Sirius was about to start blabbering about the agony aunt proffesion and how he had actually been rather good at it. "back to this letter thing I'm not sure I even want to send her a letter, I mean, writing letters isn't my greatest field is it?"   
  
"No, not really" Remus said "Ha, checkmate"  
  
"damn it, hold on aminute, no it's not I can take you"  
  
"no you can't it would still be checkmate"  
  
James coughed.  
  
They both turned to look at him. "look," sirius said "if you really want to know what I think then you should just go up to her and snog her"  
  
"yeah" Remus agreed.  
  
"really?"  
  
"yeah"  
  
"see, even if you do take me then it's checkmate because my bishop's there."  
  
"Fine." Sirius said grumpily, "but you won't win next time"  
  
Just then Helen came in.  
  
"Hi," she said, "has anyone seen Lily?"  
  
"No," Sirius said, "she's probably in the dorm."  
  
"Ok." Helen turned and climbed up the stairs to the dorm but not before sniggering at James. "You were cheated on haha."  
  
"who told you?" He asked looking suspiciously at Sirius.  
  
"Francesca."  
  
James laughed, "i think I'm going to start calling her Fanny."  
  
Helen snorted, "well, I'd better go and find Lily."  
  
She turned and ran up the stairs.  
  
"Lils? Are you in here?"  
  
"yep."  
  
"guess what?"  
  
"what."  
  
"James has broken up with Francesca."  
  
"really?" lily said trying not to look too happy "why?"  
  
"well apparently Francesca was cheating on him with some ravenclaw." She paused "You look unusually happy."  
  
"Yeah, well I've decided that I'm going to try and get back with James. I was being really stupid wasn't I?"  
  
"yeah," Helen said. "Well he'd be stupid not to accept. You two are perfect for each other."  
  
Lily grinned. "do you think?"  
  
"definitly."  
  
"good, I think I really love him."  
  
"When are you going to go for it?"  
  
"i don't know, when do you think?"  
  
"Now. otherwise you'll chicken out."  
  
"Now?"  
  
"yes now"  
  
"No I can't, I would make a mess of it."  
  
"Come on Lily, do you want to get back with the guy or not?"  
  
Lily sighed, "you're right. I do want to be with him." She paused "See you later I suppose."  
  
"Lily, go now." Helen said sternly.  
  
"alright." Lily resigned. "Bye"  
  
Lily left the dorm and wandered down to the common room. Her stomach was doing backflips.. *Calm down Lily Calm down* she told herself.  
  
James was sitting with his friends in the middle of the common room. *typical* she thought. *don't boys ever do things on their own.* Lily shifted over to him.  
  
"umm James?"  
  
James turned around and saw Lily standing behind him. His breath seemed to be stuck in his throat.  
  
"umm could I speak to you for a minute." she said. James stared at her for what seemd forever. The whole common room was watching now.  
  
Lily could feel hereself turn red "sorry, I shouldn't have-"  
  
"No, err, it's alright, come on."  
  
Lily led him out of the common room.   
  
"I'm really really sorry James," she began, "I've been a complete bitch to you. You probably hate me now don't you?"  
  
"I could never hate you Lily" he said sadly, "these past days without you speaking to me have been hell. Ever since I first talked to you I've been drawn to you."  
  
Lily's eyes filled with tears. "i'm sorry, you can't begin to imagine how I've been feeling. I thought you hated me and wanted to break up with me. I felt awful." she broke off sobbing.  
  
"shhhh" James whispered pulling her close to him. "it's alright now."  
  
She looked up at him, her eyes glistening. James was surprised to see no traces of mascara. She's beautiful without makeup he thought to himself.  
  
James grinned, "you know, I think there's something I've forgotten."  
  
"what?" lily asked.  
  
"this!"  
  
He leaned down and kissed her. It was better than at the lake, Lily's head was exploding. They broke apart breathless. Lily smiled at him and hugged him again.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N awwwww. That would have been quite sweet but the crapiness of my writing destroyed it. I'm sorry this chapter was so bad it was a bit rushed I'm afraid.  
  
oh well review anyway please please please. Just tell me what u think. If u hav any queries then email me at smifter55@hotmail.com or say in your review. Let's see if we can get to at least 90 before the next chapter  
  
ttfn  
  
Lilz 


	9. chapter 9 - a sex ed lesson

disclaimer: you should know by now what's mine and what's not. if u don't i can't be bothered to write it so look at the earlier chapters.  
  
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A/N hi everybody. how r u doing.  
  
thankyou so so so much all you people who reviewed, you don't know how much I appreciate it and thanks for the constructive criticism.  
thankyou also to those of you who put this on their favourites list. It made me so so so sooooo happy. yaaaaaay.  
remember the offer still stands that if you review my story, I will review yours. obviously u'd have 2 leave a signed review!  
  
it's kinda light hearted to make up for all the depression of the previous chapters.  
  
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~All By myself~ ~ Chapter 9~  
  
Just at that moment Sirius chose to walk past, he was whistling and looking at the ceiling. James turned around to see the whole of Gryffindor looking at them out of the portrait hole. The first years were standing on tip-toe to see properly. Several girls were crying - James being no longer single. Lily felt her cheeks turn hot but James on the other hand just shrugged and started kissing her again.  
  
"Now that," said Remus sternly to the first years, "Is not something you should do until you have at least got married." The first years rolled their eyes at him and continued watching the show.  
  
"Yo prongsie," Sirius was back, "Stop disturbing the first years, you'll corrupt their sweet innocent minds with that sort of behaviour." He winked.  
  
"Exactly," Remus said, "Just what I was trying to say."  
  
"Quite right, come on firsties, we're going to a nice innocent place like the astronomy tower."  
  
"Sirius!" Remus spluttered, "That'll be even worse, especially at this time of night."  
  
"Moony," Sirius said solomnly, "They have to learn these sort of things at some point. Come on!" He said and led the ickle firsties out the common room and past the still snogging Lily and James.  
  
"But Padfoot, I've seen the sort of stuff that goes on up there-"  
  
"Yeah and I've experienced it," He called over his shoulder, "Don't listen to him," he told the first years who were looking at him in awe, well the boys were, "He's a spoil sport."  
  
"Fine!" Remus yelled after at him, "but if they all turn out to be psychotic killers it's all your fault."   
  
At this point Peter woke up from his deep sleep involving fluffy pink rabbits and pretty flowers and other equally wet things to ask, "Have I missed anything?"  
  
"Oh no, of course not," said Remus sarcastically, "Sirius has only taken the first years up to the astronomy tower."  
  
Peter shuddered, "what's he gonna do to them up there?"  
  
  
* * * * *   
  
  
Sirius and the first years stood outside the door to the astronomy tower.  
  
"Now listen carefully, when we go in, you must be prepared for the worst. Some pretty, err rude stuff sometimes goes on in there."  
  
"Like what?" Squeaked a boy who very much reminded Sirius of Peter.  
  
"Umm, you'll see in a moment. Imagine James and Lily, then multiply it by a hundred and fifty seven and you will approximately get the goings on of the astronomy tower."  
  
Several first years gulped. Slowly, Sirius began to turn the handle to the door, when Remus came running up waving his arms around.  
  
"Stop!" He cried. "I won't let you go in there. I won't let you corrupt the first years-"  
  
"Come on Moony old boy, you can join us." and before poor Remus could do anything to stop it he was being dragged inside the room.  
  
The first years' eyes widened - some in disgust, some in awe. Unfortunately for them all the innocent snoggers noticed the intrudement, and quickly sat up, trying to resume the expression of someone who hasn't done anything wrong.   
  
"Don't mind us," Sirius said cheerfully, "Just teaching the firsties a thing or two about later life."  
  
"Stop!" Renus shouted frantically, "Don't do it, it'll corrupt them-"  
  
"what is going on here?" A stern voice said grimly from behind them. Everyone whipped round. There stood Professor Mcgonagol in an emerald dressing gown. Her eyes narrowed evily behind her square shaped glasses. "It is almost one o clock. why are you all out of bed?"  
  
"Ahh, Professor," Sirius began nervously. "I can explain everything, the poor first years were, umm were stuck on their astronomy homework, so umm, I ,I decided to help them out and escort them to the astronomy tower." Professor Mcgonagol raised an unbelieving eye-brow. "What are they all doing then?" She said smirking, pointing at the innocent snoggers who had magically sprung apart.   
  
"Umm, who?" asked Sirius pretending to strain his eyes, "I don't see anyone." Professor Mcgonagol sighed wearily. "Every single one of you will recieve detentions. Yes all of you." She said looking at the innocent snoggers. "Mr Black and Mr Lupin, I think it would be a good idea if I were to escort you and your, err companions back to the gryffindor tower. The rest of you, bed now. You will be hearing of your detentions shortly."  
  
"Thanks alot."  
  
"Thanks alot"  
  
"Thanks alot" The innocent snoggers all trooped past Sirius glaring at him. Sirius grinned back.  
  
"Right you lot," Said Mcgonagol, when every innocent snogger was out of sight, "Come with me now." They all followed her to the common room where Lily and James were snogging. (still) They sprang apart as Mcgonagol approached.   
  
"I won't even ask." She said drily, "but you two can have a detention as well, just the same as these lot here." She said sniffily, pointing at Sirius, Remus and the firsties. "My own house, never have so many students been out of bed. I've never been so disappointed." She broke off. "Right." she said collecting herself. "Off to bed, NOW! And if I hear that anyone has been out of bed, they will be very, very sorry." With that Mcgonagol turned on her heel and swept off down the corridor.  
  
"I warned you-" Remus began.  
  
"Hey, it was worth it." Sirius said. The first years nodded approvingly, apart from the girls who declared they were 'mature' and things like that were crude and disgusting. Remus whole heartedly agreed with then.  
  
Suddenly they all heard a sharp rapping on the portrait, followed by "are you lot in bed yet?" James raised his eye brows at Sirius,  
  
"Yes," Remus said, "we're just going now."  
  
"Does she ever give up?" James said incredulously when they were out of hearing range.  
  
"Hey, where's Helen?" asked Sirius suddenly  
  
"Padfoot," said Remus, "You must be the most random person I know."  
  
"ahh, the importance of being random."  
  
"Ignore him;" James said, "He's been high all day."  
  
"actually, I don't know." said Lily, "I guess she must still be in the dorm.  
  
"well, I guess I'll see you guys tomorrow." She said, her gaze lingering on James. He grinned back at her, "Definitely," he said.   
  
Lily blushed, "well g'night everyone." She started to go up the stairs,  
  
"Wait," James said, he hooked his finger into the back of her jeans and pulled her back down to plant a kiss on her lips.  
  
"Oh Please," said Sirius, rolling his eyes.  
  
* * * * *  
  
"Helen?"  
  
"Lily is that you?"  
  
"Are you awake?"  
  
"What do you think?"  
  
"Where've you been, you didn't come down once."  
  
"yeah, sorry, I was really tired, how did it go with James?"  
  
"Perfectly. It was just like in a fairy tale, we made up and then he kissed me and it was so romantic." Lily sighed dreamily.  
  
Helen grinned, "Great, did you tell him you love him?"  
  
"No," lily said, "Besides I'm only fourteen."  
  
"You're never too young to fall in love,"Helen said, "In my opinion anyway."  
  
"I agree," Lily said, "but I want to be sure he loves me, before I embarass myself."  
  
"You're so lucky," Helen said.  
  
"I know... I've never felt so strongly about anyone. My greatest dream has always been to fall in love with someone, and for them to love me back." lily broke off smiling, "I can't believe it's actually happening. Why, is there something wrong between you and Sirius?"  
  
"No, it's just a fun thing really. I sometimes wonder if he only wants to be friends." Lily shrugged.  
  
"Well, you know Sirius, he's been in and out of so many relationships it's kinda scary. That guy has a major commitment problem."  
  
"You think he's going to break up with me?"  
  
"I never said that, it's obvious he likes you, otherwise it wouldn't have lasted over a week, but Sirius is so unpredictable, you never know what he's going to do next."  
  
Helen shrugged, "Maybe I'll break up with him then, save him doing it to me."  
  
"What? you mean you want to break up with him?"  
  
"No, I just want to be friends."  
  
"Whatever! I'm going to sleep, g'night."  
  
"Good night."  
  
  
* * * * *  
  
  
The next day, Lily and James were chatting together on the couch when Sirius walked in looking crest fallen."  
  
"Hey padfoot." James said  
  
"Hey." Sirius replied down heartedly.  
  
"whats up?" Lily asked. "You look rather miserable."  
  
"yeah, your best friend just broke up with me."   
  
Lily muttered something under her breath that sounded oddly like "daft cow"  
  
"She did what?" James asked incredulously. "Why would she do that?"   
  
"Said she wanted to be friends and that she didn't think we were right for each other."  
  
"Poor Padfoot," said James sympathetically, "he's never been dumped before." he added to Lily."  
  
"No, I haven't, and I actually liked Helen more than all the other girls, especially that stupid hufflepuff, Libby Watson."  
  
"I've gotta go." said Lily and bolted from the common room to find Helen. She found her in the library.   
  
"Hi Helen. Are you realising that you have just made a very big mistake?"  
  
"erm what d'you mean?"  
  
"What did you break up with Sirius for?"  
  
"ahh, that." Helen looked a bit nervous. "Well I guess I just figured that if he was going to break up with me, it'd better be sooner rather that later, and besides, I really do think we'd be better off as friends." But as she said it, she didn't quite meet Lily's eyes.  
  
Lily raised an eye brow. "Yeah right. You're the worst liar I've ever met. And besides, Sirius just said that he hadn't been going to break up with you. He really likes you."  
  
"Oh." Helen looked uncomfortable. "He said he wasn't going to break up with me?"  
  
"He said, that he liked you more than any other girl he had dated, and thats saying something. He's dated more girls than anyone in the school."  
  
Helen looked very uncomfortable. "Well still, he would've broken up with me anyway, it was bound to happen some time and it would be better not to get too attatched." She said all this in a rush.  
  
"Helen, I've been unhappy almost all my life, and trust me, a few moments happiness counts for a lot. Even if it isn't for very long, it must be better than always being miserable."  
Helen looked at her, "So you're trying to say that I should get back together with him?"   
  
"I'm trying to say, you should do whatever will make you happy." Lily stood up and walked out the library leaving Helen alone with her thoughts. She had an idea that her advice had done the trick. It was quite a nice feeling to know something you said had an impact on someone.  
  
  
  
  
* * * * *   
  
  
  
Helen and Sirius were back together by the next days lunch time. Lily had smiled to herself. Helen could be really stubborn sometimes.  
  
  
  
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A/N sorry about that chapter it didn't turn out as I expected. Some of it was really weird, but I wanted to make up for all the depressive chapters earlier on.  
  
please review, at least ten would be nice, but if anyone wants to throw in a few extras I wouldn't mind. I live off reviews. If I have no reviews it becomes harder to write chapters and i'm not brilliant at updating anyway. once a month would be good for me. so please review.  
  
til the next chapter (if there is one)  
  
Lilz 


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